A friend and I went to the Cowboy for New Year’s Eve. Yes, the bar/restaurant that fired me. Choices are very limited here: there’s the racist bar (any racial slur is welcome, but don’t you DARE say the f-word) and there’s the Cowboy. I am extremely uncomfortable in both places, but what’s a girl to do?
Earlier in the day I went shopping and bought a skirt, shirt, shoes, and a pair of tights in the sizes I usually wear. The only item to fit were the shoes. Awesome. I had to scramble and find something else to wear and I ended up feeling like a fat, dumpy sausage. To make matters worse, there were 
very few people in the bar, and all the women were staring at me. Women don’t dress for men, they dress for other women. This wasn’t a paranoid delusion, all the women at the only other table of people had turned in their seats and were staring. Glory would have picked her nose, Hollye felt like a sausage under a microscope and wanted to flee out the back door, but couldn’t run because her fat thighs would bang together. If I could have fallen into a hole (a really big hole) it would have been fine with me.
I am a firm believer that if you don’t like something, change it or shut up about it. I thought I had come to terms with my lazy, overweight self, but obviously not. So, I bought an exercise bike!
I’ve been pretty consistent about riding it and I haven’t hung a single piece of clothing on it (yet). I don’t know if I’ve lost any weight because I don’t have a scale and King Midas’ scale isn’t working. Personally, I think it does work, but fakes its own death rather than letting me step on it. I can’t blame it.
As long as I stay consistent and stop eating mountains of garbage I’ll get back down to the weight that makes me happy…which is about 50 pounds less than I weigh now. Yeah, I wasn’t lying when I said I felt like a sausage. I didn’t weigh this much when I was pregnant with either of my kids, and if I’m going to lose my mind over it and not enjoy a night out, it’s time for a change.
Blizzard of Shame 
I hear ya on the weight loss. I know I’d feel better physically and mentally if I’d drop about 50 lbs. I just can’t find the motivation. At my advanced age, I’d be satisfied with 30-35 lbs. Eating is one of the few things I do that I enjoy anymore. One of these days. Good luck to you!
Realistically, I’ll be happy if I drop 20 pounds. I’m unmotivated, I love food, and I’m more than a little lazy. It’s the long haul though, right?
I blame winter. I like to go for walks, but between the extreme cold and tons of snow, haven’t been able to get out at all in weeks. OK, if you twist my arm I’ll admit I’m eating too many of the wrong things, too… I wish we could just keep the metabolism we had when we were 20.
We were much more active when we were 20. Winter or summer, I’m lazy. All this weight didn’t get here in one winter (or one summer for that matter) and it probably won’t come off in a few weeks. I just need to stick with it.
You can do it! I believe in you.
And, cutting carbs and sugar does wonders, too. 🙂
I have some blood in my sugar stream. I do try to limit it, I no longer even buy sodas, but dang I love my sweet tea…which is probably responsible for 10 pounds in this last year. Gah!